Or at least from U of T. Its been over 18 months since I've written in this journal, but yesterday, Maria from the Family Care Office said to me "I miss your blog!" To which I replied "Somebody actually read the thing? Amazing." So I suppose I will start writing it again. I've also started two other blogs since then, one is a pictorial blog inspired by my ANA300 class, and one is a journal that I'm required to keep for my buddhist psychology class.
I'm in fourth year now. My daughter is four years old, and has started school herself, junior kindergarten is treating her nicely, but whoever heard of giving a four year old homework? I fundamentally disagree with that, as she does more on her own time in terms of learning her letters or anything else for that matter. She is frighteningly brilliant, some days I worry very deeply that she will be in a position sooner than later that eclipses my wits, and then I'm doooomed, heh. But that's not today, and I still have a threat of a naughty step in my arsenal.
I had a very tough year last year. There were a variety of reasons for it, which I will list briefly because I am on the other side of them for the most part, and can look back in retrospect and be happy that is no longer what I'm dealing with. At the end of second year, all hell broke loose in terms of my gut. I lost approximately 35 pounds in about 6 weeks, and was really struggling as I wasn't really getting very many nutrients. I had had a localized rash in first year that had been treated by a dermatologist in second with liquid antihistamine (which had a side effect of being an anxiolytic, it was awesome, and I was sleeping 12 hours a night because it knocked me out cold), but through various clinics and skin tests and upper intestinal tract biopsies, it was eventually determined that I have a gluten intolerance. So, no wheat. This caused a lot of problems. A lot of problems. As in, I was vegan for 3 years in my early 20's and that was a cakewalk in comparison to this. One of the things that I did in order to save time for studying during the day, for example, was buy a slice of pizza - cheap, semi alright in terms of food, and the best part about it? edible walking to my class/library. Not possible with a gluten intolerance. Problem 2: no chinese food. Soy sauce has wheat in it. Problem 3: can't eat french fries that have been cooked in the same oil as battered food. Problem 4: I really really like cookies. And on and on and on and on ad infinitum. So literally, I had to start from scratch and start, and rebuild not only my diet but how I thought about food. Rather than regarding food as fuel, I had to all of a sudden worry about it constantly. I felt like I went from losing weight because nothing would stay in me for more than 20 minutes to losing weight because I could no longer eat anything at all on this planet. It took a long time to adjust, and really was probably one of the hardest things. The other problem was that when I started the gluten free diet, I no longer took the liquid antihistamine, so my anxiety levels shot through the roof, and I was no longer sleeping more than 5 hours a night. It was a bit of a shock to the system.
Now, compared to that, believe it or not, a custody battle is a relatively minor undertaking, but yes, it did present itself to me. It will have to wait for another day though, because my 15 minutes is almost up. As well, the severe crisis of confidence I was having in my belief structure and core motivations for being at school, but I have a feeling that will be a post in of itself. Yeah. A lot happened last year.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Been a while...
But I finally got around to posting. won't be that long, just a basic update on life. School is going well - A's and A-'s with the four courses that I have: BIO250, HMB265, JGE221, and ENV235. I've found a combination of medications that really enable me to focus in a way that I previously haven't been able to at UT and its made a huge difference in my outlook about everything. I'm now fairly sure that I'm going to be trying for law school in a couple of years. Osgoode hall in particular has a really good program that combines an MA in environmental studies and an LLB, so that would be the dream I suppose.
The munchkin is lovely, she's talking up a storm, and has just about as much personality as you can fit into a 28 pound body. She really does light up my life in such a myriad of ways, and I'm so thankful for her. It's interesting, because the more stressed out I get, the more functional I become - I really pull it together for her. That's the dirty little secret I suppose, of student parents... there is the perfect motivation in her.
I will be posting again sooner... I forgot how to sign in for ages... lol.
The munchkin is lovely, she's talking up a storm, and has just about as much personality as you can fit into a 28 pound body. She really does light up my life in such a myriad of ways, and I'm so thankful for her. It's interesting, because the more stressed out I get, the more functional I become - I really pull it together for her. That's the dirty little secret I suppose, of student parents... there is the perfect motivation in her.
I will be posting again sooner... I forgot how to sign in for ages... lol.
Friday, August 11, 2006
I am so flippin sick of CHM139
So I'm taking (a probably not earned yet) break. :)
It's a funny one... I can't seem to get anywhere over a 65 in that course for my tests, no matter how hard I study... course that meant I was below the average on the first term test and far above it on the second, but nevermind.
Here is some random social theorizing for you:
.... or not. The thing I wanted to type in disappeared. Dammit. that means I left my phil book at home...
ah well. My thesis for my phil essay shall have to do.
My question posed was regarding Utilitarianism, indirect utilitarianism in specific. I'll post the argument I make, with the example that makes it clear, instead of all the boring and obtuse theory that comes from the contemporary moral philosopher we're reading:
Definition: "indirect utilitarianism is a kind of utilitarianism which recognizes that an agent is more likely to act rightly by developing the right attitudes, habits and principles, (presumably utilitarian) then acting on them, rather than trying to calculate the value of the consequence before deciding to act.
Williams also includes the expression of a character disposition in his definition, which leads to the idea of agent centred values, and what role they play.
So, in answering the question as to what role agent centred values play, I come to the crux of my thesis: In that indirect utilitarianism is in fact, utilitarianism, but only if the agent centred values are in of themselves utilitarian. This begs an education in utilitarian morality, which is not inconsistent with Mill's assertion that "moral feelings are not innate, but acquired, and not for that reason less natural."
It also requires an ongoing interest and engagement in the society that you happen to inhabit, so that the moral choices that you make (while not specifically utilitarian, per se) are still informed and enlightened.
This would work well with Mill's assertion that "education and opinion, which have so vast a power over human character, should so use that power as to establish in the mind of every individual an indissoluble association between his own happiness and the good of the whole."
The day to day actions that you take will therefore, even if on a subconscious level, be more likely to promote utilitarian values.
So, now I have to bring forward an example of what I mean.
Take for example, a utilitarian view of what should be done about the environment. In a direct utilitarian view, one should do everything in their power to reduce the harm they inflict upon the environment. That is, they should live close to their place of work, and walk or bike there, they should also eat low on the food chain and wear only natural clothing. I'll stop here before I draw too much of a caricature of the tree hugging hippie. That is, their every action should be one in accordance with saving the environment.
For an indirect utilitarian however, it may be morally admissable to live in the suburbs and drive a car, so long as they are studying ways in which the environment can be helped. Especially if living in the city means that they're unable to afford going to school.
However, both situations require an analysis of utilitarian principles at some level, and a justification of utilitarian principles at some level. It is the person that lives in accordance with environmental principles that seems to have less of a hard time sleeping at night, but the person studies the environment for solutions to pressing issues that can be actualized in a far greater degree that seems to have the potential to do a greater good and maximize utility overall.
The only person who would not be able to lay claim to either of these edicts, it would seem, is the uneducated one: uneducated in both the utilitarian principle and the harm reduction strategies on the environment.
There's much (much!) more, but it gets more referential to the text from then on, so I won't post it, as it's really boring if you haven't actually read the text. :P
Okie, that was a good exercise. back to chem now, I suppose (I don't think I've ever looked forward to a course finishing as much as I am looking forward to this one finishing.... )
It's a funny one... I can't seem to get anywhere over a 65 in that course for my tests, no matter how hard I study... course that meant I was below the average on the first term test and far above it on the second, but nevermind.
Here is some random social theorizing for you:
.... or not. The thing I wanted to type in disappeared. Dammit. that means I left my phil book at home...
ah well. My thesis for my phil essay shall have to do.
My question posed was regarding Utilitarianism, indirect utilitarianism in specific. I'll post the argument I make, with the example that makes it clear, instead of all the boring and obtuse theory that comes from the contemporary moral philosopher we're reading:
Definition: "indirect utilitarianism is a kind of utilitarianism which recognizes that an agent is more likely to act rightly by developing the right attitudes, habits and principles, (presumably utilitarian) then acting on them, rather than trying to calculate the value of the consequence before deciding to act.
Williams also includes the expression of a character disposition in his definition, which leads to the idea of agent centred values, and what role they play.
So, in answering the question as to what role agent centred values play, I come to the crux of my thesis: In that indirect utilitarianism is in fact, utilitarianism, but only if the agent centred values are in of themselves utilitarian. This begs an education in utilitarian morality, which is not inconsistent with Mill's assertion that "moral feelings are not innate, but acquired, and not for that reason less natural."
It also requires an ongoing interest and engagement in the society that you happen to inhabit, so that the moral choices that you make (while not specifically utilitarian, per se) are still informed and enlightened.
This would work well with Mill's assertion that "education and opinion, which have so vast a power over human character, should so use that power as to establish in the mind of every individual an indissoluble association between his own happiness and the good of the whole."
The day to day actions that you take will therefore, even if on a subconscious level, be more likely to promote utilitarian values.
So, now I have to bring forward an example of what I mean.
Take for example, a utilitarian view of what should be done about the environment. In a direct utilitarian view, one should do everything in their power to reduce the harm they inflict upon the environment. That is, they should live close to their place of work, and walk or bike there, they should also eat low on the food chain and wear only natural clothing. I'll stop here before I draw too much of a caricature of the tree hugging hippie. That is, their every action should be one in accordance with saving the environment.
For an indirect utilitarian however, it may be morally admissable to live in the suburbs and drive a car, so long as they are studying ways in which the environment can be helped. Especially if living in the city means that they're unable to afford going to school.
However, both situations require an analysis of utilitarian principles at some level, and a justification of utilitarian principles at some level. It is the person that lives in accordance with environmental principles that seems to have less of a hard time sleeping at night, but the person studies the environment for solutions to pressing issues that can be actualized in a far greater degree that seems to have the potential to do a greater good and maximize utility overall.
The only person who would not be able to lay claim to either of these edicts, it would seem, is the uneducated one: uneducated in both the utilitarian principle and the harm reduction strategies on the environment.
There's much (much!) more, but it gets more referential to the text from then on, so I won't post it, as it's really boring if you haven't actually read the text. :P
Okie, that was a good exercise. back to chem now, I suppose (I don't think I've ever looked forward to a course finishing as much as I am looking forward to this one finishing.... )
Monday, July 31, 2006
I should be studying chemistry.
But all work and no play makes Angela want to kill herself.
I gave my brother a ride back from the city today, tomorrow is my mom's birthday so he came home for that, as well as getting out of the heat. We had a fantastic conversation on the way home about suburbia: the frustrations about living in the burbs, the attitudes that prevail in scene-ster-ism, and the fact that it's utter insanity that we feel like we're somehow less worthy of respect because we live in a place that doesn't gouge large holes in our pocketbooks and give us asthma.
Granted, he's moved into the city, so he can see it from that perspective. But he had a great idea: A Save the Suburbs Movement. The thought process is thusly: since there are so many places on this earth that we grant amnesty in terms of so many different things, why can't we declare the suburbs to be a cultural third world? And demand that places like Kensington Market or Parkdale grant us cultural amnesty? Why is it that there are so many people (a full 40% of under 29 year olds live at home, according to the last census, that number is more like 60% when you take it as being under 25 -- they don't all live in the cities, trust me) that are so essentially ashamed to admit where they come from and what they do?
I've had the same thoughts about it, in a bit more of a sociological perspective (as I seem to be a bit of a wax sociologist sometimes) but the way I see it is this: Since the "Move back into the city" movement began in the 80's, there has been an ongoing gentrification of the major cities in North America. The fact of the matter is that any hip young twenty something living there is part of the problem, not the solution. You want to be ghetto and authentic? Move to mississauga; because that's where all the "ghettos" are: they aren't in the city anymore. Haven't been in a long time. You are some fucking yuppy scum dressed up in pre ripped jeans, early homeless chique. And as for the rest of us folx toiling away on the GO: Godamn, be proud of where you come from. As much as it is a cultural wasteland, you're not poisoning your lungs and embracing your alienation. You realize how important family is (or you realize how much easier it is to survive.)
The harder thing shouldn't necessarily be the more respected in this life: I know that this is the case with most of us, we think of people that have it hard as being somehow more worthy than people who don't. But we need to choose our battles wisely, ultimately, and being ashamed of where our parents live is an extremely wasteful way to spend our time.
This is why I love brown people: they just don't give a shit about this kind of stuff. Family is more important... why can't this be seen as a valid option for white folx? What is this utter obsession with rebellion and individuality? I mean, isn't it the case that if everyone is rebellious and individualistic, no one is? And isn't it the case that we're all just behaving like assholes for the sake of it?
Anyways... it's almost 11 so past my bedtime... Gnite, Jonboy.
I gave my brother a ride back from the city today, tomorrow is my mom's birthday so he came home for that, as well as getting out of the heat. We had a fantastic conversation on the way home about suburbia: the frustrations about living in the burbs, the attitudes that prevail in scene-ster-ism, and the fact that it's utter insanity that we feel like we're somehow less worthy of respect because we live in a place that doesn't gouge large holes in our pocketbooks and give us asthma.
Granted, he's moved into the city, so he can see it from that perspective. But he had a great idea: A Save the Suburbs Movement. The thought process is thusly: since there are so many places on this earth that we grant amnesty in terms of so many different things, why can't we declare the suburbs to be a cultural third world? And demand that places like Kensington Market or Parkdale grant us cultural amnesty? Why is it that there are so many people (a full 40% of under 29 year olds live at home, according to the last census, that number is more like 60% when you take it as being under 25 -- they don't all live in the cities, trust me) that are so essentially ashamed to admit where they come from and what they do?
I've had the same thoughts about it, in a bit more of a sociological perspective (as I seem to be a bit of a wax sociologist sometimes) but the way I see it is this: Since the "Move back into the city" movement began in the 80's, there has been an ongoing gentrification of the major cities in North America. The fact of the matter is that any hip young twenty something living there is part of the problem, not the solution. You want to be ghetto and authentic? Move to mississauga; because that's where all the "ghettos" are: they aren't in the city anymore. Haven't been in a long time. You are some fucking yuppy scum dressed up in pre ripped jeans, early homeless chique. And as for the rest of us folx toiling away on the GO: Godamn, be proud of where you come from. As much as it is a cultural wasteland, you're not poisoning your lungs and embracing your alienation. You realize how important family is (or you realize how much easier it is to survive.)
The harder thing shouldn't necessarily be the more respected in this life: I know that this is the case with most of us, we think of people that have it hard as being somehow more worthy than people who don't. But we need to choose our battles wisely, ultimately, and being ashamed of where our parents live is an extremely wasteful way to spend our time.
This is why I love brown people: they just don't give a shit about this kind of stuff. Family is more important... why can't this be seen as a valid option for white folx? What is this utter obsession with rebellion and individuality? I mean, isn't it the case that if everyone is rebellious and individualistic, no one is? And isn't it the case that we're all just behaving like assholes for the sake of it?
Anyways... it's almost 11 so past my bedtime... Gnite, Jonboy.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
A letter to a man I was in love with for 24 hours....
Ok, so I expressed an interest in you. An attraction to you. The first time I've expressed any such thing to anyone in a long time; since I broke up with my kid's dad. It's not the easiest thing being a single mom... you're constantly torn by the dualism that is your life: you're a woman, and a mother, and you somehow had to get to be a mother but mothers are never supposed to have the urges that got them to be mothers in the first place.
What I wanted to say: I wanted to fuck you, not date you. And this is where the conflict arises.
I don't want to date someone who has gone back to school to become more downwardly mobile. I don't buy into it anymore. Because downwardly mobile, removed from its subcultural context, is poverty. Plain and simple. I don't want a relationship with someone who is still very much in a space that they need to be someone for other people rather than themselves. I spent far too much time in that space. I gave everything to that space, including 10 years of my life, my sanity, and my health. If activism had given me back one tenth of what I had given it, I would still be doing it. But unfortunately, the scene being what it is, it doesn't. It uses you up, sucks you dry, and spits you out with nothing to show for it but rotten teeth from too many hand rolled cigarettes and too much cheap booze. I was tired of going to jail, I was tired of being concussed by being beaten about the head with nightsticks, I was tired of actively destroying myself all in the name of saving the world. I was also tired of the prevalent attitude of using people as means, not ends: Nowhere have I seen that more than in the activist scene. I was tired of my friends going to prison or being maimed by cops. I was tired of endless noise and solidarity demonstrations with our fallen comrades. I was tired of wandering, shaking my money maker to get enough cash together to get to the next city, the next country, the next continent.
It is a horrible irony in my life that I devoted so much of my youth to being a cool person, as I very essentially am not one. I'm one of the biggest geeks you ever shall meet: the peach-dress-with-jogging pants-and-red-shoes kind of braceface geek that grew too fast and gangly, teased into oblivion by her peers. It is a horrible irony that I devoted enough time and energy into being a "cool" person that I will never be seen as straightlaced again.... I am one of the statistical social problems now, the welfare queen single mom subsidy sucking miscreant that neo-cons like to pin all the world's ills on. But neither can I lay claim to being "cool" anymore, by dint of trying to do right by my daughter, living in the burbs, and accepting the life of compromise and consumerism that having a child in the 21st century seems to necessitate. So I'm stuck - again. Pushed into this corner by my past, intimidated by my future.
I had to examine very closely why I had such a strong reaction to you. It was visceral, and nearly painful in its intensity. I do understand that certain lessons keep presenting themselves to me: you didn't represent you, you represented an archetype from my past. A boy very much like you destroyed my life and sent me packing for europe from Eugene... it's gotta be the motorcycle and the Robert L. Pirsig connection, something that was never finished, just run away from. In fact I never thought I'd date a guy again after him.... swore off men entirely, and spent the next three years of my life in a relationship with a woman. Life has a funny way of coming round and biting you in the ass, doesn't it? Just when I think I'm over it all, you drop in and tell my libido at least that it's definitely not the case.
But alas, you were scared. Or simply uninterested. Better cut down on the weed, it's affecting your ability to give a damn. There is a difference between detachment and pot induced alienation, even though they may seem at some point to be one in the same. Scared in the same typical way that I wanted to date you. Didn't get the message when I said that I was attracted to the back of your neck and the way you smelled. Does that sound like an academic attraction to you? You kissed me so I thought you got it: I was inviting more of the same when I offered my one day off in the semester to you. It was a good lesson on my part, however: made me examine what I actually wanted and what I really didn't. For that, I thank you.
What I wanted to say: I wanted to fuck you, not date you. And this is where the conflict arises.
I don't want to date someone who has gone back to school to become more downwardly mobile. I don't buy into it anymore. Because downwardly mobile, removed from its subcultural context, is poverty. Plain and simple. I don't want a relationship with someone who is still very much in a space that they need to be someone for other people rather than themselves. I spent far too much time in that space. I gave everything to that space, including 10 years of my life, my sanity, and my health. If activism had given me back one tenth of what I had given it, I would still be doing it. But unfortunately, the scene being what it is, it doesn't. It uses you up, sucks you dry, and spits you out with nothing to show for it but rotten teeth from too many hand rolled cigarettes and too much cheap booze. I was tired of going to jail, I was tired of being concussed by being beaten about the head with nightsticks, I was tired of actively destroying myself all in the name of saving the world. I was also tired of the prevalent attitude of using people as means, not ends: Nowhere have I seen that more than in the activist scene. I was tired of my friends going to prison or being maimed by cops. I was tired of endless noise and solidarity demonstrations with our fallen comrades. I was tired of wandering, shaking my money maker to get enough cash together to get to the next city, the next country, the next continent.
It is a horrible irony in my life that I devoted so much of my youth to being a cool person, as I very essentially am not one. I'm one of the biggest geeks you ever shall meet: the peach-dress-with-jogging pants-and-red-shoes kind of braceface geek that grew too fast and gangly, teased into oblivion by her peers. It is a horrible irony that I devoted enough time and energy into being a "cool" person that I will never be seen as straightlaced again.... I am one of the statistical social problems now, the welfare queen single mom subsidy sucking miscreant that neo-cons like to pin all the world's ills on. But neither can I lay claim to being "cool" anymore, by dint of trying to do right by my daughter, living in the burbs, and accepting the life of compromise and consumerism that having a child in the 21st century seems to necessitate. So I'm stuck - again. Pushed into this corner by my past, intimidated by my future.
I had to examine very closely why I had such a strong reaction to you. It was visceral, and nearly painful in its intensity. I do understand that certain lessons keep presenting themselves to me: you didn't represent you, you represented an archetype from my past. A boy very much like you destroyed my life and sent me packing for europe from Eugene... it's gotta be the motorcycle and the Robert L. Pirsig connection, something that was never finished, just run away from. In fact I never thought I'd date a guy again after him.... swore off men entirely, and spent the next three years of my life in a relationship with a woman. Life has a funny way of coming round and biting you in the ass, doesn't it? Just when I think I'm over it all, you drop in and tell my libido at least that it's definitely not the case.
But alas, you were scared. Or simply uninterested. Better cut down on the weed, it's affecting your ability to give a damn. There is a difference between detachment and pot induced alienation, even though they may seem at some point to be one in the same. Scared in the same typical way that I wanted to date you. Didn't get the message when I said that I was attracted to the back of your neck and the way you smelled. Does that sound like an academic attraction to you? You kissed me so I thought you got it: I was inviting more of the same when I offered my one day off in the semester to you. It was a good lesson on my part, however: made me examine what I actually wanted and what I really didn't. For that, I thank you.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
sometimes I wish I could wear a sign....
... that says: "Yes, I am a single mother. No, I don't want to marry you. Neither do I want to immediately jump into bed with you and get pregnant. I don't even know you. Maybe we could go out on a date first?" :lol:
Monday, March 27, 2006
Alright, It's been forever...
So I'm gonna post a quick update. I'm just about to start my hell week at school: after this week I should have considerably more time to breathe. I finished my bioethics essay this week, it's a very conservative stance but I think I did a good job at arguing it, I'll post it when I get a chance.
It's spring, ergo I have crushes. (Someone told me I wasn't white trash because I used the word "ergo" on biome in the early days of UT. What I wanted to say at the time and didn't was that poor doesn't equal stupid.) I'm wondering if it's ethical to date one of my classmates, given the age difference. The other ones are on TA's so I'm not as worried about them, though they probably have ethical guidelines they have to follow, lest they be fired. And speaking of men, G. is pissing me off to no end... it's a girl! ....and a boy! Of all the immature, sesile, boring things he can do, he's started to smoke pot again. I feel like saying to him "Get the fuck out of my life, you selfish addicted prick." But I can't... because that selfish, addicted prick happens to be 1/2 of the most important person in my life's DNA. So it's opening the hurt box over and over and over again. Tonight I took him to the train and said, just as he was getting out: "I think you're sociopathic in your disassociation from your emotions: I would do anything not to make what I said to you last week (that he gave up his daughter to point lights at shit) the truth. You just let it roll off you and smoke another joint, play another video game and download another porn. That said, you're not actively destroying anyone's life other than your own. You're not rebelling against me, or anastasia, so you're only hurting yourself at this point. Though sometimes I would like us to be a happy little family, my better judgment has to rule when it comes to her. Why that's not the same for you will always be a mystery to me."
So yeah. My life is complicated, I suppose. It's the time of year... those last throes of winter are often so hard to get through, so you end up taking it out on whoever's available and a good target. and he has been both lately. nvm that it's just about a year since he left me with a 5 month old and a sick mom to go and point lights at shit in Stratford. Not that easily forgivable, if you ask me.
It's spring, ergo I have crushes. (Someone told me I wasn't white trash because I used the word "ergo" on biome in the early days of UT. What I wanted to say at the time and didn't was that poor doesn't equal stupid.) I'm wondering if it's ethical to date one of my classmates, given the age difference. The other ones are on TA's so I'm not as worried about them, though they probably have ethical guidelines they have to follow, lest they be fired. And speaking of men, G. is pissing me off to no end... it's a girl! ....and a boy! Of all the immature, sesile, boring things he can do, he's started to smoke pot again. I feel like saying to him "Get the fuck out of my life, you selfish addicted prick." But I can't... because that selfish, addicted prick happens to be 1/2 of the most important person in my life's DNA. So it's opening the hurt box over and over and over again. Tonight I took him to the train and said, just as he was getting out: "I think you're sociopathic in your disassociation from your emotions: I would do anything not to make what I said to you last week (that he gave up his daughter to point lights at shit) the truth. You just let it roll off you and smoke another joint, play another video game and download another porn. That said, you're not actively destroying anyone's life other than your own. You're not rebelling against me, or anastasia, so you're only hurting yourself at this point. Though sometimes I would like us to be a happy little family, my better judgment has to rule when it comes to her. Why that's not the same for you will always be a mystery to me."
So yeah. My life is complicated, I suppose. It's the time of year... those last throes of winter are often so hard to get through, so you end up taking it out on whoever's available and a good target. and he has been both lately. nvm that it's just about a year since he left me with a 5 month old and a sick mom to go and point lights at shit in Stratford. Not that easily forgivable, if you ask me.
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